After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
