why didn't you poke me back
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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