Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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