I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
