I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
