Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
