you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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