i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
