I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
