there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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