Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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