God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
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