Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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