Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
