You don't have asthma, your pregnant
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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