I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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