new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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