Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
