dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
