we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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