I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
