I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
