Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
