FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
