I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
