I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
