I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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