Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
