I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
