those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
