There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
