listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
