so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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