In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
