super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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