i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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