hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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