All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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