doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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