so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
