I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
