When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize