half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
