It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
