What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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