I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
