We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize