I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
