My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
