dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
