well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
