Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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