I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
