So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
