sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
