Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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