im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
