Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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