i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
