im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
