I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
