I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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