she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
