just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
