I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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