I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
my liver is dry heaving
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
