Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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