I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
