I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
