i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
