I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
