1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
