what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize