U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
