hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
