Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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