she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
