Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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